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all alone in her world: ghetto girl 1989 - 1994

by ghetto girl

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1.
again 02:53
I've seen love before, now I'm seeing her again But I'll trip on her lace, fall on my face again I don't need her release no more, so I'm walking out the door And I won't be back again I've kissed you before, and I'll kiss you once again But I won't call your name, or take all the blame again Now we got us an even score, so I'm walking on out the door Because I won't be had again I've played the fool before, but I won't play one again Cuz I'm tired of the part, You're breaking my heart again But I'll love you forever more, though I'm walking on out the door Because I can't be sad again
2.
We are young, We are vital, We are healthy We fear nothing, We have the truth, We wish you'd go away Educate, Masturbate, and do the dishes We live our lives, We know the course, We meditate, We pray -- chorus -- There's an old man sitting on the steps of the YMCA And he's wearing a single false eyelash as he looks away Getting up from the sidewalk that he sleeps on like a timid girl That harmless, homeless, dainty, little, old, queer Was all alone in her world They are young, They are sick, They are dying They fear nothing, They have the truth, We wish they'd go away Persperate, Nauseate, and take a deep breath Release my hand, Head towards the light, I'll stay behind and pray -- chorus --
3.
4.
I once had a dream, or so it would seem I'm waiting in a line, I'm having a good time I get on a ride, it goes very high It turns me upside down, and spins me all around -- chorus -- Mary goes round, where she stops Nobody knows why she hops Into the night, she wanders Into the light, she stumbles Mary goes round, in circles Wandering far, never re- Turning again, she's lost her Way in the stars, she's searching Heavens above, she's searching Then I see a crowd from up in my cloud They're screaming at the sun for something that it's done Fingers to the sky, all wondering why That girl up the air has angels in her hair -- chorus -- Gracefully falling apart, I have no inclination to start Remembering my name, remembering the game I like it up here, in the outer stratosphere Far removed from the crowds, safe, up in the clouds -- chorus --
5.
full o' shit 03:23
I wish I could write a lovely song for you One that would tell you how I feel A song you could listen to and say "”Oh ain't that sweet!”" A song to make you love me, sweep you off your pretty feet -- chorus -- But this ain't it, I know, Because it's full o' shit I don't have the talent to impress you Or the charm to undress you I'm in a bubble that needs some bursting I am hungering, I am thirsting I can't cling to your sweet image It is faded, I am jaded This ain't it, I know Because it's full o' shit I wish I could give you something all your own Something you'd hear and think of me A little celebration of the love I feel for you To fill your heart with happiness and love for me anew -- chorus -- You say that you just don't have the time for me Which tells me just how much I mean to you I'll forget about the plans for us that I've been thinking of I'll open up my eyes and stop pretending this is love -- chorus --
6.
Believe me, sweetheart, I'll love you for always You will be my baby and nobody else But now it seems like I gotta be leaving I just feel so lost like a drop in the sea You're my everything that is why I sing songs for you Melodies I hope will keep you near If you stay next to me you always will be free So let us take the chance while we've got time And lay your head next to mine every morning I just need one reason to keep hanging on 'cause when that ship takes me from you this evening I'll just feel so lost like a drop in the sea I'm your grizzly bear but I swear I'd wear chains for you Every little action has a flaw But something's gotta change, it's time to rearrange The checkers on the board have all gone home So pack the wagon and fill up the tank We've got us a long trip ahead tonight Just flush your memories right out to the ocean Cause a flood with all of the drops in the sea
7.
sylvia 05:00
This is a song about a woman called Sylvia She a mean muthah fuckah A City Bitch She live in West Oakland in this run down diner She all alone now; ain't no one else there but her Her and her man usta run the place Then he up and die back in '68 Some say he had the virus, but she never tell Her diner ain't done no business since the tire plant next door shut down during the recession ten years back And Sylvia, she don't know what to do So she shut the place down and make herself up a home Round and round the dirty water sucks down the drain Has to do her chores She feeds the cat, makes the bed Now her loved ones all are dead and gone And this is what makes her angry... This is what makes her blood boil... All the neighbors say she's quite unstable Possibly dangerous and unable to take care of little things Burned out bulbs and apron strings But Sylvia, I got an idea that you ain't half as crazy as they make you out to be You ain't never done me no wrong, and I think I know you just tryin to cover up all the pain you feelin behind that anger But you gotta let it go, hon Get over it, girl Or else it's just gonna mess you up even more Sylvia, I wanna know Why don't you take some time out for a picture show Stop, drop everything you gotta do Why don't you stop, drop everything that's bothering you Sylvia, I think you'll see You can release old patterns rather easily You know there ain't no sense in carrying round that load 'cause it'll fuck you up just like a horny toad Sylvia, take this tip from me I offer it with love It may be the key for you... But then again, maybe not. So you'll walk the streets Talkin shit Scarin kids Never noticing That the world continues spinning And the argument you're winning with yourself never ends Absent friends haunt your memories So you do all your driving With your agitation thriving Head goes boom Empty room No one home All alone you discover Hungry cats eating rats Just like them you can fend for yourself You don't need a life like this You can will it all away Sylvia, I wanna know Why don't you take some time out for a picture show Sylvia, I think you'll see You can release old patterns rather easily You simply let it go Watch the falling snow Lay down softly drift away and dream
8.
Many children walk the ground Some are lost, some are found Those who flourish find the sun Those who can't have not begun Seeds are scattered on the earth Planted for a springtime birth Roots begin a downward coil Searching through the fertile soil Some will send up tender shoots Grounded by their healthy roots Others simply disappear As if they were never here Many children walk the ground Some are lost, some are found Those who flourish find the sun Those who can't have not begun Like the seeds that disappear Some children are never here
9.
10.
recess 01:13
She sits in the corner of the summer school playground Alone with her marbles and her jacks She never looks up from her private little games Cautiously avoiding all the cracks Nary a look from the other little girls They giggle and they point behind their backs She's been this way since the accident last fall And they can not find a cure for her attacks But Susie Denton knows... She has a secret...
11.
Little boys make lots of noise, this one's made his share Never knew when to shut my mouth, or when to cut my hair But there always seems to be someone above me Taking note of my flaws Pointing out all my imperfections, committed to the cause There's something about him that isn't quite right I saw him come out of the wrong door last night He doesn't think like us, has views of his own There's just one solution: rebuild from the bone Social stigmas attach to me, like leeches to the skin Undesirable parasites are my next of kin But there always seems to be institutions For fixing people like me Ripping out all my keen distinctions, homogenizing me There's something about him that alters the flow We fear his ideas and the things that he knows He socially deviant and far from the norm There's just one solution: We'll force him to conform My mistake was attracting attention, made them notice me I couldn't hide from their inquisition, but I couldn't flee And now they've pegged me, diagnosed me, Incorrect, socially Ruled out all my honest defenses, a defect, mentally There's something about him that terrifies us He probes all our soft spots and weakens our thrust A threat to the family and the American Way There's just one solution: We'll lock him away
12.
doppelganger 02:47
I seem to see this stranger almost everywhere I do not wish to frighten you but you should know he's there So that if you are threatened, if evil's ever done You'll know it's him who did it, you'll know that he's the one His looks are ordinary, but he does things in the dark He hides inside the shadows watching children in the park He whispers things in subways, you'd tremble with alarm I tell you he will get to you, he's out to do you harm I've seen him in the headlines and on the evening news I saw him on the sidelines when stones were thrown at Jews And marching in Montgomery pretending that he cared I saw him wink, as though some old conspiracy were shared He was in the crowd at Dallas at the close of Camelot I spotted him on campus when the students had been shot In the office of the governor where evil deeds are done He was hanging out with Wilson killing AB 101 And he was smiling... smiling... Last night I found obscenities scrawled across my wall I swear I can't repeat the filthy words that I recall And then the most immoral damned insulting thing of all As I read each line... I noticed... his hand writing... was identical... with... mine.
13.
jungla 02:19
14.
Let's say I meet a boy and I'm making a good connection We go back to my place to show a little affection But for some reason I can't maintain an erection I go into the front room so he won't feel rejection I get hard just looking at my CD collection Let's say I finally get it up but I don't wear any protection Two or three weeks later I wind up with an infection I go to the doctor to give it an inspection But I can't afford the doctor to give me an injection Cuz I spent all my money on my CD collection CD collection, CD collection I've got a bad complexion and I often feel dejection I need some psychological correction And some dermatological dissection But I'd forgo it all to build my CD collection Throughout all my years I've done serious introspection It seems that my life is lacking a direction I'll probably never attain my goal of spiritual perfection But I'll die with a bitchin CD collection CD collection, CD collection I've got a marvelous selection, I've divided it into sections When asked for a predilection I don't need time for reflection I'd forgo it all to build my CD collection CD collection, CD collection Confection, detection, resurrection, C-Section Insurrection, vivisection...
15.
Girlz, Boyz, Girlboyz, Boygirlz We are everywhere (everywhere!) Sexuality, Sexuality, doesn't matter to me, I only crave afternoon tea I wear high heel shoes, I wear silk stockings I wear frilly clothes, and I'm just feeling too hot right now I just want to take all my clothes off I don't want to wear anything but my stiletto pumps Girlboyz, Boygirlz, We are everywhere, and we're changing the world! Boyz, Girlz, It doesn't matter to me; does it matter to you? In! (the closet) Out! (causing a scene) Here! (in London) There! (in San Francisco) Dress up! Diversify! It'll make you want to fly Reach for the edge of your imagination, Embrace your true Buddha nature Have a session and call me in the morning... Release... release... release your emotions... Hi... very hiii... It seems there is a division between men and wymyn A polarity to resolve between freedom and oppression Love your Boyness, Love your Girlness Make a new tranzmergance
16.
waiting 04:24
Sitting in my favorite chair Searching my mind I'm starting to find I need some fresh air Standing, staring at the sea Breathing in deep and wishing for sleep To come over me Walking on the sandy shore All of a sudden I see Alan Ludden Playing "Password" once more Many times I seek out wide open spaces Someplace with no limits on my mind So my thoughts can go wherever they want to Look straight at the sun and not go blind Driving, driving in the snow I can't see the road; my eyes overload Don't know where to go Curving, swerving, here I go Off the overpass and right through the glass My head hits the road There are times when my soul needs to transmigrate Check out other astral planes and see Life on Earth from somewhere out in the cosmos Got my card to get out of jail free Grade essays... Cook something to eat... Give them all D's... And don't use meat... Do laundry... Clean out the catbox... Lay down to sleep... If I die, before I wake... I pray to God... My soul to take... Fight traffic... Work out at the gym... Go to the store... Try to get slim... Do Yoga... Catch up on my sleep... Lay my head down... If I wake, before I die... I pray to God... My soul to fly... Mashed potatoes on the floor I could hardly wait but they fell off of my plate And there are no more Bumbling, mumbling a John Wilson song If anyone could hear they might think I'm a queer And they wouldn't be wrong Waiting, waiting, killing time Whistling and humming, I know my moment's coming And I feel just fine Waiting, waiting...
17.
Hangin' around at B.B.'s sippin' mouthwash on the rocks Tryin' to look sexy and keep the spooge off my socks There's so many gorgeous men here all looking to get laid And guys who'd like to marry you if you are not afraid... Now me, I've got a husband but this word he did say: D. I. V. O. R. C. E. My actions were to blame So now I'm cruisin' the BlowBuddies scene Searchin' for a throat I ain't met Because I'm not exactly married but we're not broken up yet Now if I was into flirtin' it'd be with someone like you But I came here for just one thing: Don't talk; just do Your name is not important; let's cut to the chase You sure know how to treat a man But please don't touch my face... You're into camping, opera and taking moonlight walks You can never love me if you never hear me talk Only one man knows me well enough to love my sweat And we're not exactly married but we're not broken up yet Got myself a damn good job like I was supposed to do With life insurance policies, got health and dental too On the line where it says "spouse" I wrote my partner's name Thank God it is androgynous so I won't take the blame... Six months later when the bill comes hospital claims fraud Seems the head administrator was a man of God He said, "Two men can't marry." I said, "You wanna bet?" Though we're not exactly married we haven't broken up yet
18.
Chorus: I've got that AZT 3 day illness again I've got that AZT 3 day illness again My doctor's got me poppin' those blue and white pills Hopin' that he's stoppin' those HIV ills I've got that AZT 3 day illness again... Startin' off with one pill, I'm feelin' OK Day 2 I am queasy and startin' to stray The third day's when it hits me, my shit starts to flow My stomach starts a-gurglin' and that's when I know I've got that AZT 3 day illness again... Stabilized on one pill, so now we start two 'Cause nothing less than five will do nothing for you But always on the third day when I double the dose I feel like a toxic waste dump but that's how it goes With the AZT 3 day illness again... Chorus Hopin' that I'll hit three and then four and five Hopin' that this fuckin pill can keep me alive 'Cause even though I'm whinin' I'm not better off dead So if they ever ask you don't say it ain't never been said I had that AZT 3 day illness again... Chorus
19.
Thought I was in Disneyland or was it just a dream Over by the submarines or somewhere in between Only had just one "D" ticket left to go around With an itch to get away from there, get my feet up off the ground On the Skyway to Fantasyland I am with you; you take my hand Sitting on a foggy beach and listening to the sea Can't see much of anything; are you still next to me? Reach my hand out for you and there's nothing there but sand Said I wanted solitude, but this is more than I can stand On the Skyway to Fantasyland I am with you; you take my hand Now he comes and questions me about reality Unconvinced that he is in the picture that I see Always liked amusement parks; they're good for killing time Especially on my favorite ride; I'm happiest when I'm... On the Skyway to Fantasyland I am with you; you take my hand
20.
Larry Babe, you've got it made A voice like that could get you laid You'll never have to take cold showers Your larynx possesses penis power For your beloved you pontificate You shot the Manchurian Candidate But now your delegated to the cutout bin Just look at the shape you're in Hey Breeder Boy, you want some kicks? Wanna get drunk and pick up chicks? I know your life story, it bears no rehashing Except for the time when you went queer-bashing A friend of mine got a dent in his head One more blow and he'd probably be dead Now your head's a target for my rolling pin Then you'll find out the shape you're in Out of one body and into another Lose a friend and gain a grandmother Spin the wheel of fortune tonight Pause at the corner, then take the next right Pick up where you left off the last time Then you were deaf and now you're blind All your past lessons erase future sins Reflecting the state you're in Astral travel Garrapata Beach Comprehension just out of reach A message from beyond the grave Tracy, Ziad, Sally, Dave (They say:) Hope you're well, keep plugging away Our energies will merge another day Until then inquire within Ponder the state you're in

about

In 1985, ghetto girl began recording ‘songs’ on a 4-track cassette recorder she had bought, using her $39 Casio portable keyboard, a cheap-ass Radio Shack reverb box, a $5.00 microphone, and any other found objects that made sound. During that period, she was much more interested in experimenting with sounds rather than songwriting. Influenced more by Laurie Anderson and Chris & Cosey than by the Beach Boys and the Beatles, she created sonic collages into which she mixed her own acid-damaged poetry as well as found sounds and the marijuana-stimulated ad lib ramblings of her friends. One of her most frequent early collaborators, her friend Mairi Gl’amour came up with the name ghetto girl (no caps, please), which evolved from one of their favorite phrases from that period, “get it, girl!” (from whence came g.i.g. entertainment international). For the next few years, ghetto girl evolved as an artistic entity consisting of herself and anyone else who would let her commit his or her talents to tape. And a definite ghetto girl aesthetic emerged as well: quick and crude, but with all the magic and fleeting brilliance of first takes, twangy out-of-tune guitars laid over a poppers disco beat, and a peculiar lyrical style that paid little attention to gender pronouns or shifts in person. In her willful ignorance of traditional song structure, ghetto girl truly did create some amazingly trippy “music for stoned queers” as she then characterized her music.

The “second era” in ghetto girl’s career began in 1989 when she met Christian Matthews and a whole new world of home-recording possibilities opened up to me. Christian, too, had been recording his own songs and those of his friends since he was nine years old, and was much more technically adept at it than ghetto girl. Furthermore, he was much more of a musical traditionalist, composing perfect pop-ditties, whereas ghetto girl didn’t even know what a “bridge” in a song was! Within a matter of weeks after meeting each other, they were recording together; inspired by Christian’s songcraft, and enraptured by new love, ghetto girl began to move in a more song-oriented direction. Now she was actually writing songs with verses, choruses, and harmony vocals (“All Alone in Her World”, “Full ‘o’ Shit”) and even her songs without a traditional structure at least had a melody (“Again”). Yet key aspects of the ghetto girl aesthetic remained intact, as evidenced by the found sounds in the dance-oriented “I’ll Never Be a Fag” and “Lose Weight Deliciously”, the gender-bending of “Mary-Goes-Round” and “Tranzmergance”, and the all-out freaky aural experimentation of “Give Her a Haldol”. As the years rolled by, she and Chris were able to buy more recording equipment, and as Chris' talent and skills in audio production developed from a hobby into a career, ghetto girl (and many others) reaped the benefits of his growth, resulting in recordings that were nearly professional in quality, yet recorded entirely at home on four tracks (“Doppelganger”, “AZT-3-Day-Illness”). From the very beginning, ghetto girl was conceived as a collective, and although she has had less hands-on involvement in the engineering of the recordings as time has passed, she remains firmly in control of ghetto girl’s artistic vision, and has had to battle with Chris over, for example, whether it is appropriate to write a song about one’s AIDS medications. Ultimately, the music benefits from this collaboration, and ghetto girl has thus far produced four full-length recordings that document this remarkable creative output. (But she's still not sure if she ever wrote a song with a bridge!)

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released May 1, 2015

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ghetto girl San Francisco, California

Music for Stoned Queers since 1984

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